Image and Reflection
by chain.elements
Summary: An All Our Yesterdays oneshot. (Reading the book beforehand is recommended.) What if The Doctor wasn't as he seemed? What if James had wanted to protect his friends, even if it meant destroying their friendship and destroying their world?


Disclaimer: I do not own All Our Yesterdays.

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Image and Reflection

Image - James

His parents were dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Why?! Why them?! James thought as their coffins were lowered into the earth. A hand clapped his shoulder and he turned as someone brought him out of his reverie.

That someone was his brother, Nate, he realized belatedly. James' mind hazily focused on Nate was saying, catching only the last few sentences.

"...We will get past this. Everything's going to be fine, as long as we have each other."

James hoped so.

…

It was slow and not quite steady but they eventually fell into their new places in each other's lives. Nate worked and provided for them both while James made friends (Nate worried...), caused as little trouble as possible, and studiously blazed into the sciences. That was when his rather clever mind stumbled upon a certain something - time travel. Time manipulation to be exact.

That was when he really started thinking. This was it! This was what could bring back their parents. He could fix world wrongs and so much more! This could save thousands, no millions, billions of lives! Just think of the possibilities! He could be a hero! (Despite what others thought, he was nowhere near over their parents deaths... Maybe, they knew that.)

It becomes his obsession. His every waking moment was dedicated to this one purpose. To find a way to bring this dream alive. And he got a way with the government. Nate was happy over his new interest, but worried about his obsessiveness. His friends, Finn and Marina, made it their job to make sure he stayed suitably sociable and sane. Well, sane-ish.

It was the new normal ... until Nate was shot on his first big move as politician. At the hospital, the doctors said that they didn't know if he could make it. James panicked. No! Not his brother, not the only family he has left! He won't let it happen. It won't.

James fell into his own little world. His obsession became more than just an obsession as he fervently worked on the solution. Just a little more, it was almost finished and he could prevent this from happening. James thought, but...

An unplanned interruption burst in in the form of Finn and Marina. Not the present ones but the ones from the future. Their faces were gaunt and they were far to skinny to be healthy. They looked like prisoners or something. It was a shock when Marin- no, it was Em pointed a gun at him. Staring crossed eyed at the end of it's barrel (it was far to close for comfort), he barely stuttered out a "Why?" Future Finn (it was quite strange to look at on older version of his friend) deigned to tell him why they were so intent on killing him.

It was horrible. So many lives ruined, precious people dead. The future was terrible place and it only became that terrible due to his actions. Due to the thing that was becoming his life's work. He couldn't believe it could it really have been him? The look in their eyes answered. Yes, it was you James. _Nonononono, that couldn't have been him, never!_

Now mere days later, looking into the eyes of The Doctor, his future self - his horrible, twisted self, he... understood. Wrenching the gun from those hands, James pointed the gun (heavy and gunmetal gray) at himself and pulled.

_I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm no hero. Please forgive me._

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Reflections - The Doctor

It started with our parents' funeral. That was when it really it me that they were gone and never coming back and that I was never going to see them again. In that moment, I wished with all my being that I could bring them back alive. That was the beginning. Then, several years later, while I delved deeper into the sciences, I stumbled over some theoretical materials on time space manipulation.

Obsession blossomed. I spent every living moment pouring over these theories and making my own calculations and eventually my own theory. The government was quite supportive of my work and willing to make it reality. My best friends, Marina and Finn, kept me from being truly too absorbed. It was only thanks to them that I had any life outside of work.

Then Nate was shot. I panicked. During this moment of weakness, when this obsession reached a fevered pitch, I met that man. I didn't realize just how twisted **he** was then and when **he** offered an opportunity to save Nate, I fell the same way a gullible child is lured in by the promise of candy. Me, smart? Ha, yeah right… Even children know not to take candy from strangers. I was trapped.

From then on I was under **his** control. I didn't realize it at first, too absorbed in my work to notice but that changed when I realized I was missing something and that my friends might have had it. That was when **he** turned **his** attention on Marina and Finn...

It was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, that was when I realized just how fantastically stupid and utterly, helplessly trapped I was. So I planned and I acted, acted like a cold hearted bastard who enjoyed the destruction (_What else could I call it?_) he caused. It was better for **him** to think that I was brainwashed and under his control than against him.

Some of the things I did were utterly horrifying, terrible in every aspect. My friends looked at me as if they didn't know me anymore. To tell you the truth, I didn't recognize myself either. Eventually, they ran. And I, relieved and scared, covered for them for as long and as much as possible. When they were captured and brought in, **he** turned **his** attention back unto me.

"Did you think I didn't notice?" **he** said, mockingly. I watched, heart sinking to the pit of my stomach, as **he **tortured them. Their agonized screams echoed in the holding cells. "Do you work, do as I say, and I won't hurt your precious friends… much."

I kept my act up, becoming more visibly callous and cruel as time passed. I couldn't let Marina and Finn know. They'd do something reckless; it'd hurt them more than it already has. However, even this act couldn't keep me from visiting now and then. After raging at me, Finn blatantly ignored my presence. The growing hatred visible in Marina's, or now Em's, eyes burned into my mind. I didn't visit so much after a while.

Much later, I heard that Mar- Em stole a spoon. My mind snapping to attention, I hurriedly made my way to the holding cell. Did she finally snap? Was she suicidal? Her eyes told me otherwise. I sighed in relief.

The next day, a misplaced guard said that he required my presence. Unlikely, considering we were just talking on the phone, but I went anyway. Em and Finn snuck off to use the Cassandra to escape to the past. It was also my chance to escape.

"Sir, let me go," I pleaded, "I know them, their habits. I can predict their actions. I can capture them."

**He** eyed me piercingly; after a short, tense wait, I heard a confirmation, "Make sure you do so."

Now carrying on my act, my final act, I tortured the past versions of my friends, killed Finn ( _ImsorryIdidntwanttoforgivemeimsorryimsorry_...) and pointed the gun at Marina. Bile rose in my throat, there was ringing in my ears, but my act didn't, no- couldn't waver. James, my past self, looked into my eyes, horror present, and with mine, I conveyed a silent, desperate plea back at him.

_Do it! Free me! Prevent this from happening! End this act!_

He understood. A mock fight ensued and the gun was in his hands. It rose, glinting gunmetal gray, and the trigger pulled. Finally, I laughed somewhat manically...

_Thank you._

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This is my first time writing fanfiction for anything, so feel free to leave advice about how I can improve my writing. Thank you.


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